Wanting , still wanting

So today I was visiting a friend and we were having coffee. Nothing exciting or stressful. No so-called triggers to watch out for.

And I saw it a half open bottle of chardonnay on her kitchen counter.  I felt a MAGNETIC pull towards the bottle . Alcohol brain kicked in full swing , imaging one large glass full of glorious wine( well of course that would turn into three bottles but i imagined one glass) . I imagined the elegance of sipping the wine . I could taste it. I could smell it.

I went home soon after that, I did not drink, that is the main thing. I did not drink.

So, no, I am not on a pink cloud dancing around with bunnies or whatever it is you are meant to be at 38 days sober. Today  I am angry. Angry with myself that I drank so much that I can never enjoy another glass of wine.

Angry with wine for carrying on existing without me. ( absolutely pathetic i know)

How long will this mental tug of war carry on?

 

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